The Five Kinds of drunk. According to me.

Note : This post was typed 2 weeks ago on a thursday morning, Around 1-2 a.m.

"I'm so tired
I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired
My mind is on the blink
I wonder, should I get up and fix myself a drink?
No, no, no"

These are the Lyrics from the Beatles song "I'm so tired" from The White Album

Class in the morning. Lab till 1. Fell asleep in the afternoon and didn't even realised it rained cats, dogs, monkeys and ferrets.

At 5, went for cell group, then dinner at 7.30.

I'm exhausted and feeling so darn sleepy. But if i fall asleep now, I'll wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. and that'll ruin everything. So I'm gonna stay awake a little longer and tell you about MY theory of...

THE FIVE KINDS OF DRUNK!!!!!

After close and much observation, I have come to a conclusion that there are five types of behaviour that a person will exhibit when under the extreme influence of alcohol.
The 5 are :
1. Blur
2. Aggressive
3. Horny
4. Emo
5. Happy/funny

The Blur
This kind of person who which after consuming one too many glasses of alcohol will totally lose all sense of feeling and thought. They are now as useful as a rock or a sponge. Everything you tell them will either fall on deaf ears, of fall on full on attentive ears but processed by a brain will less thinking power than a carrot. They are incapable of performing tasks which require coordination. One of the more popular examples are idiots who are The Blur, attempt to dive home. Bad idea. If you have friends who are The Blur, I suggest you sober up and take them home before they accidentally so something stupid.

The Aggressive
This type of character is a handful to handle. One because if the increased aggression and tendency to act on feelings. I do not know how this affects the female population, but for guys, I have noticed an exponential increase of "machoness". This is especially dangerous of the said moron is confronting another parton at the club or bar about the gayness of the shirt that he/she might be wearing. The Aggressive can also sometimes turn on their friends who get in the way of proving their "machoness". You might get yelled at, pushed, or even punched by said individual. The best way to attain control of The Aggressive is to feed their ego but turn its attention from whatever is instigating it. Best to limit the drinks for this one. If at all possible, at the point where The Aggressive shows its face, there should be no more alcohol or at least no means to attain more of it.

The Horny
I think we all have friends who fall under this category. This is by far one of the most embarrasing categories to be in or to have friends in. The reason is obvious. When someone becomes The Horny, he/she has a tendency to in the very basic sense of the word, wants to F*** anything that can be f***ed with or anything that moves. This kind of person is also a bother to be associated with because they can get YOU in trouble as well. There is no remedy for this one, You'll just have to wail till the affected person becomes sober or liquor him/her up till they pass out.

The Emo
For some unknown reason to science, alcohol has the ability to unlock the portion of the human mind relating to feelings. Sometimes its a good thing. Sometimes, not so. There are two extreme's to this case in which a person might experience. The first side is the side of positive emotions. Emotions such as joy, gladness and thankfulness are just some of the common human emotions one will see here. Over hugging can be expected. One might also express one's over thankfulness for having great friends/buddies/mates. The other extreme of the major side effect is negative emotions. Emotions such as hate, jealousy, anger, sadness, grief, guilt and remorse, The common ones are sadness, guilt and remorse. Everyone who has a friend who is The Emo knows that this one just sucks the life out of the party. Remedy? Sit with him/her, listen advice, distract from the emoness.

The Happy/Funny
You might be thinking that this one is the easiest to handle right? Then again, you might be wrong, There is one important thing to remember with this one. LIMITS! Yes, one can be too happy and funny. Especially at a bar/club. This is because, there are other people who are part of these 5 categories at these places. Always remember that! You don't want a happy person spoiling everything. There is no remedy for this condition. Just keep an open eye out. Thats all.

If you have any further information that might help the research of the alcohol intoxicated human being, please contact me. Together we can make the world a much safer and fun place to drink in.

Cheers! (Literally)